Mighty Warrior

It was Tuesday.  Just a regular Tuesday.  It was 8:30 p.m.  I was tired, moody, my tailbone hurt, I'd said 'no' more times than I'd like to admit that day, I couldn't think of anything more wonderful than laying my head on a pillow and not waking up til next week...but my kids were fighting bedtime....IN EVERY WAY!  They wanted extra books read to them.  They needed another drink of water.  They wanted to sleep in the same room.  They were fighting over who got to sleep with Keely.  They were asking questions that I didn't want to answer, nor did I see the importance of answering them that night, considering it had been the longest day in history of motherhood.  I just didn't have an ounce of energy left.

I didn't yell.  I didn't raise my voice.  However, I did say in a very mellow voice that I was ready for bed and that I wanted each of them to be in their bed so that the day could be over.  Gabe, in his sweet little voice, said, "Why are you acting like you don't want us?"  Uhhhhhhhhhhh...my heart sank.  I've never felt such a significant moment of failure in my life!  After a brief explanation and a million apologies, the kids were in bed and I was headed to the couch...feeling defeated.

At first I made excuses for my behavior.  I WAS tired.  Matt had gotten home late that night.  I was pregnant and had just spent an entire day with little adult conversation and much conversation with a puppy and a 3 year old.  I had sent Adri to her room multiple times for her bad attitude.  She fought me at naptime.  She fought me at breakfast.  She fought me at lunch.  Nate fought me about homework.  All 3 of them fought me because they didn't like dinner.  They fought me about bath time.  Then, in the quietness of the house, I heard a voice.  NO EXCUSES!  And then I prayed.  Lord, may my kids NEVER feel that way again.

I had a dream last night that my battle as a mother was never ending (not really a dream...more like reality).  And before I woke up to visit the bathroom for the 4th time through the night, I saw my kids, as adults.  They were smiling at me and even though they didn't say anything, I could see that they were saying, "I love you, Mom."  I woke up crying and then, in my head, I heard my friend, Erin, say, "These are the best years."  I went back to sleep, praying, asking God to continue, as He's done a million times before, to equip me with the patience and words of wisdom that teach my kids respect, honor and gratitude.  It may seem like an uphill climb, but we'll get there!

I couldn't wait for the boys to get home today.  I wanted to cuddle them on the couch and offer up some of my special 'monkey balls (no bake oatmeal cookies).'  Adri fell asleep watching a movie and I was surfing facebook while listening to her snore.  I came across this link and it spoke to me...such perfect timing.

http://lisajobaker.com/2013/05/a-mothers-day-video-you-are-mighty-because-you-mother/

My favorite line in her post is, 

"These are the good days, the glory days, the slow-as-molasses days. These are the fast years, the wonder years, the how-do-I-find-words years."

I'm going to bookmark this link so that the next time I feel defeated as a mother, I can bring it up and peek at it again.  I may feel defeated, but I am not...I am a warrior!