A new perspective on Mother's Day

The last week in March, 2012, Matt and I found out that we were expecting our 4th child.  A whirlwind of events and emotion later, the week before Mother's Day 2012, we found out that we'd lost our sweet baby.  Unfortunately, I got to spend the weekend of Mother's Day recuperating from surgery.  I experienced Mother's Day, last year, in a way that was quite new to me.  Instead of rejoicing for the children I was blessed to parent, I mourned the child that I couldn't.  I imagined for months, holding that baby in my arms and then quickly realized with each vision, it would never happen in this lifetime. 

I, of course, asked myself all of the "what if," and "why me," questions, but quickly came to a place of peace and through much prayer determined that out of the grief, I would use my situation and story, to give a glimpse of peace to others.  I quickly became aware and quite sensitive to the sadness that many women all around me experienced...some of them, year after year.  My daily prayer has been that God allow me to use my experience to help others, and I will continue that.  I've shared this with few.  Some of my close friends, to this day, don't know about our loss last spring. 

As I approach the anniversary of the loss of that precious life, I see my role as a mother with refreshed eyes.  I know what a precious gift my children are and I never doubted God's role in the creation of life.  But as I count my sweet blessings, Mother's Day becomes more of a celebration of the life of my kids, and less about me.  I'll love their homemade cards, gifts and flowers no less this year than the last 10.  I'll smile when they tell me how much they love me and how thankful they are for the dishes, laundry, homework sessions, ice cream runs, helping at school parties and surprise field trips.  But in the midst of it all, I'll be thanking God for giving me these kids, even the one that I won't hold in this lifetime.