Forgiveness

I don't normally share our personal family business in my blog, but after I journaled last night, I kept feeling that push to share some of my feelings in a blog post.  Someone sent me an e-mail a few months back, telling me that she enjoyed reading about the 'reality' of my blog.  She told me that some days she hops on and sees that our life seems to be going just about a blissfully as possible and then a few days later, she'll get on and see that we'd had a day that was 'off the charts' chaotic.  So, here's a good dose of reality for you...


March 5, 2012

Several years ago, one of the Super Mom role models in my life awarded me with some powerful advice.  “After you discipline your children, neither of you should feel deflated.”  I’ve pretty much stuck by that for the last several years.  After disciplining the kids, if either of us walks away feeling down, distressed, or any kind of anxiety, then that’s a sign to me that I haven’t disciplined them effectively. 

The theme of our family the past 8 months has seemed to be “parenting and discipline,” and I’m sure this isn’t an ‘accident.’  I’ve learned things from the retreat we went on last November, in our parenting Sunday School class that we’re in now, and from friends and family, that I wish I had known years ago.  But nonetheless, it’s good stuff.  More than ever, Matt and I are working hard to teach our children to be respectful, honest, and obedient children.  Hopefully and prayerfully, this will lead to respectful, honest, and obedient adults. 

Well, when God wants to teach you something, He gives you LOTS of opportunity to practice the right way to do things!  Needless to say, we’ve had lots of opportunity to practice our disciplining techniques.  Yesterday, Nate decided that we needed a pop quiz!  After a long and dreadful evening of whiney and disobedient behavior, everything came to a dead end.  We spent some time together talking about his behavior in his room and he was left with his journal and a night light…at 6:30!  I walked away feeling like something wasn’t right and when I turned back to say goodnight, he said, “You hate me!” and rolled over towards the wall away from me.  AHHHHH!  He’s never said that to me before.  All I could do was tell him that it wasn’t so and that I loved him. I walked away…feeling more disheartened than ever (and shedding a few tears)! 

I walked to the laundry room, where Matt was reading the manual for his new lawnmower (everything exciting in our family happens in the laundry room), and spilled my feelings and frustration to him, all in one breath, over the next 15 minutes.  His comment?  “Go talk to him again.”  He’s so genius! 

I went to his room, knocked, and asked if we could talk.  His attitude was still gruff and hateful.  I explained to him how I was feeling as the events of the evening had unfolded and that our intentions when disciplining any of our kids were out of love.  If I fail at everything else as a parent, I don’t want to fail at expressing how madly in love I am with my kids!  I told him, “I NEVER want you do doubt, at any time in your life, how much I love you.”  We cried together and I apologized for my attitude throughout of the evening, but did not apologize for the discipline…he understood and offered to give me a ‘man hug.’  His man hugs are all encompassing and make me forget about everything else in the world for those few seconds.  He said he was sorry, too. 

I think Nate and I shared something special in those few minutes.  I admitted my faults and apologized.  He got a reminder that Mommies can mess up, too.  He eagerly apologized for his poor behavior, as well.  I walked out of his room the first time and had HOPED that I’d taught him a lesson about being respectful and the importance of obeying his parents.  I walked out the second time, KNOWING that I had taught him something just as important…forgiveness.