Pride and Loathing...and an Apology!

I have a lot of respect for my husband and I honor the fact that he completely trusts me with our finances. Granted, most of our bills are automatically paid via online banking, but the money that we have budgeted for our daily living expenses is completely my jurisdiction. When we got out of college, naively, we thought that we were ‘entitled’ to certain things, even if we couldn’t afford them. We bought new bedroom furniture, living room furniture, two new cars, and a few other things on credit. We deserved, them, right? We had just spent the first two years of our marriage as college students, living on about $400 per month (I still don’t know how we did that).

After having Nate, we made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom, and the budget didn’t balance. Matt wanted me to stay home with our kids, but because of all of the debt we had, his salary wasn’t enough to pay the bills. So, we took a leap of faith and vowed to live well under our means and pay off the $60,000 in debt we had acquired. It was at that time that I was introduced to shopping at Aldi. I think our grocery budget that first year or so was about $40 per week (I don’t know how we did that, either). So, I was the mom, with the snotty nosed kid in tow, discount shopping at a store where you had to pay to ‘borrow’ your cart and bag your own groceries. I HATED it! I HATED it! I HATED it! I don’t think I even admitted to a soul, not even close friends, that I shopped there!

I’m extremely pleased that we decided to spend the next few years being VERY frugal, because in just under 36 months, we paid off over $60,000 in debt.

So, here we are, about 4 years after my journey on the “Dave Ramsay Plan” began and I’m pleased to announce that I shop at Aldi because I want to. I’ll be honest, I don’t get everything there and I would much rather go to Meijer or Marsh because I don’t have to bag my own groceries, but it’s now a personal challenge to try to keep the grocery budget low. I go to the grocery store about every two weeks (because I loath grocery shopping so much) and the last time I went I spent $67 at Aldi and $22 at Meijer (there was a few things I couldn’t get at Aldi). In my cart was all the essentials I needed to feed my family for two weeks…keep in mind that we rarely eat out and 3 of us are eating lunch at home everyday, too. Some of the things on the menu these past few weeks were chili, enchiladas, chicken and noodles, chicken salad, turkey burgers, BLT’s, homemade pizza, lots of fresh veggies and fruit (our family eats about 3 bananas a day), and plenty of snacks like pretzels, cheese crackers, and corn chips and more fruits and veggies. If you can’t tell, I’m pleased with the skills I’ve acquired to be an economical shopper and I can still feed my family healthy foods…IT CAN BE DONE!

I still need prayer, though. Although I feel like I’ve gotten a good handle on spending the money that my husband works so hard to earn, I have a son that detests schoolwork and homework as much as I oppose going to the grocery store! He’s such a smart kid and I’m sure all moms say that, but I really feel like he is. He loves word searches and learning about animals and space. He often tells me when I’m yelling at someone to come kill a spider, that spiders aren’t insects, and then talks for about 5 minutes about why they aren’t. A few years ago I told him an easy way to remember the order of the planets (My very excellent mother just sent us nine pizzas – thank you Mr. Alexander) and how now Pluto isn’t a planet anymore like it was when I was in school. He changed it to ‘My very excellent mother just served us noodles!’ The problem is that he only wants to learn things that he’s interested in and spelling ‘thanked’ or ‘barked’ without a ‘ck’ isn’t one of them. Honestly, most days, homework that should take about 15 minutes, takes about 2 hours. He’s so dramatic about it, too…a trait he most certainly gets from both sides of the family! Mrs. Ryan doesn’t tolerate sloppiness, either. Despite the fact that Matt and I both have very neat handwriting, Nate DOESN’T! Most evenings, end with him in tears, if not both of us! The good news is that he pops out of bed every morning, eager to go to school, and can’t tell me what his favorite part of the day is because he loves everything about it, so he says.

I get a little irritated when parents are having trouble with their kids and say with frustration, “I give up!” I’m sorry to any reader who has ever said that! Parenting is something that you can’t just ‘give up,’ in my opinion. Now, I know the frustration of not knowing what works for your kid (and granted, I don’t have teenagers yet), but I’m not giving up…I just haven’t figured out what works yet!

In an effort to change things up a bit and provide some relief for both Nate and I when it comes to homework, I asked Matt late last night if he’d be willing to help me a few nights a week with Nate’s schoolwork. His response was quickly, “Why? You’re home with him after school.” “Yes, Matt, I am, but I think we need to figure out some other routine that will work better for him.” I’ve been stressed anyway, lately. This school year has left me feeling tired and much like a chauffer, ALREADY! “Do you think you could help me a little more around here with other things, too?” Immediately, there’s resistance. “There’s a lot of things that I do that you don’t,” he says. Mmmmm mmmmm. I’m trying not to get defensive. By the way, we were not arguing at this point. “Like what?” I questioned. “Like spend 2 hours in the car everyday.” Ok, that’s it…I couldn’t bit my tongue any longer…I raged!!! “You mean to tell me that you think spending two hours, sitting down, alone in a car without any children screaming or asking a million questions, while being able to listen to the radio or talk on the phone without any interruption is a chore?” He looked puzzled. I can see that traffic and accidents can sometimes be an inconvenience, but SERIOUSLY? You compare your 2 hours a day in the car to the driving I do everyday? Not that you’re that interested, but listen to this…on Mondays I get to drop off Adri in Pendleton, drop off Gabe in Anderson, get Nate to school in Pendleton, go back and get Gabe in Anderson 3 hours later, come back home in the middle of nowhere, then go back out and get Nate again at 3:30…and that’s just Mondays! I would say that’s about an hour of driving and it involves getting kids in and out of the car, lots of noise, and NO listening to the radio!

I went to bed a little frustrated, even though we talked through what was distressing us. After some prayer and deep thought, I began to feel bad about ‘comparing’ our lives and trying to make mine seem more stressful and chaotic. Too bad that Matt wasn’t awake for me to apologize! It waited until this morning!

For those of you who are eager (but probably not as eager as we are) to see some dirt moving over on the empty lot off of 650 South, you’ll only be waiting about another week. We’re closing on our construction loan next week and there should be some action the week of September 20^th! Yeah! Two weeks past our initial start date isn’t too bad!

Have a great weekend everyone!